The Dead & The Gone
by dudsbud101
Summary: They all die in this story. Some of them wanted to, some of them wanted nothing more than to live. My take on how each Glee Club Member came to their death. WARNING: Character death/suicide.
1. Quinn

I'm falling.

My arms are flailing and I'm crying….. and I'm falling.

But I'm not regretful, no never regretful.

This is what I had to do.

I thought of myself on top of the pyramid.

Coach Sylvester told us never to fall, or we're sure to lose Nationals.

I've already lost though.

So I don't fall.

I jump.

Correction: I_ jumped._

But now I'm falling.

Because I jumped.

I think of how I'm falling straight into hell.

I see blonde, my blonde hair flailing around my face.

I think of everything, and everyone.

I think about pain.

Jesus: how I let him down.

I think about all of the people in my life.

_Noah._

I loved you Noah.

Did you ever really love me?

Did you ever really love Beth?

I let Jesus down that night to.

_Finn._

I'm sorry I lied to you.

I'm sorry it came to this.

I'm sorry Beth isn't yours.

Isn't that what you wanted though?

No responsibility.

No pain.

_Rachel_

You were always greater.

If you knew I was thinking about you now…

You'd be honored

You'd think I was thinking that you're great and a great singer.

You were there to help me pick up my pieces.

But I'm sorry.

I'm so, so, so, _sorry._

I'm sorry I laughed when they slushied you.

I'm sorry I wasn't there to help pick up your pieces.

I'm still falling, and I'm still crying.

These are the last memories I'm going to have.

The ground is approaching.

I'm sorry I didn't think about you Beth.

I'm sorry you weren't my last memory.

I know Glee Club is going to sing at my funeral.

Brittany isn't going to know why everyone's crying.

Rachel's going to make everyone sing while they cry.

I'm going to laugh in hell at how stupid they will sound.

It's the last laugh I will ever have.

I can't blame this on Mrs. Sylvester.

She pushed me so hard.

She wanted me to do so well.

I can't blame this on her though.

It takes two to make a baby.

Two to make a Beth.

It only takes one person to destroy them self.

That person is me.

Quinn Fabray.

Destroyed.

Message me if you want any Glee member to be done (they will die though) I already have a few planned Matt, Santana. Review or I wont write again.


	2. Matt Rutherford

I wonder if people even know I'm here.

I wonder if they care.

I wonder if they will cry at my funeral.

I always thought getting burned to death was the worst.

I'm not even being burned.

I'm drowning.

Drowning in a sea of smoke.

I can't see, I know there's no hope for escape.

So, I give up.

I give up.

I wish I wasn't invisible.

I wish I could sing or dance.

I wish I wasn't dying.

I wish I wasn't drowning.

I'm sorry Rachel

I'm sorry I couldn't win Regionals for you.

I'm sorry I stood by and let them laugh at you.

I'm sorry I didn't fight harder for you.

I gave up on you.

Just like I'm giving up on myself.

There was a party tonight.

I wasn't invited personally.

It was just a glee club party.

Anybody could come.

But I've always been a nobody.

I wonder if they realize I'm not there.

I wonder if they realize I'm burning.

I've always been in the background.

One of those blend in football players.

No one has even noticed me enough to slushy me.

I wish people did.

Glee club could have helped me clean it off.

But here I am, in my house alone and burning.

I used to want to be able to turn invisible.

I would be able to get away with all kinds of things.

Now I don't want to be anything more than visible.

I'm sorry Glee Club.

I'm sorry I didn't fight for our Glee Club.

I'm sorry I didn't fight for myself.


	3. Santana

I always knew I wasn't perfect.

I always knew I was a slut.

I always knew I would never get married.

I always knew I would never be truly loved.

I never knew it would come to this.

He raped me, he shot me.

Blood is surrounding my body.

All I can see is red.

I think of my cheerleading uniform.

I think of how it was so comforting.

I think of how boys would look up it when I bent over.

I think of how I was a slut.

I always thought my hair was prettier down.

Just like Quinn's was.

I'm sorry Quinn.

I'm sorry I didn't warn you about Puck.

I'm sorry I didn't protect you like I protected Brittney.

I'm sorry we haven't spoken in ten years.

I'm sorry I can't remember your last name.

I'm sorry I sexted Puck.

I'm sorry your life sucked.

Brittney.

I loved you.

I wonder if you knew that.

I wonder if you knew it wasn't just sex.

I wonder if you knew I was in it for the long run.

I wonder if you knew that I took every slushie for you.

I wonder if you know it's going to be your name I'm screaming in Hell.

Mr. Schue.

I'm sorry I tried to destroy your glee club.

I'm sorry I let you down.

I'm sorry you were my only father figure.

I'm sorry I had to depend on you.

I'm dying.

I'm crying.

I'm wondering how it got to this…

To _this_.

Rachel

I wonder if she would've ended up with Finn.

I wonder if she knows that I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for taking his Virginity.

I'm sorry I switched the votes for Nationals.

I'm sorry I made us lose.

I'm sorry that because of my actions you lost your Scholarship.

I'm sorry that you lost your Broadway.

I'm sorry you jumped off that bridge.

It feels like I pushed you.

I wonder if I will see my parents in hell.

I know there's not much time left.

My vision is blurred.

It's either from the amount of blood I've lost.

Or the tears I've shed.

My dream was always to be a teacher.

I can be a teacher.

But I'm dying.

I'm bleeding.

So, I guess I could've been a teacher.

If I wasn't dying.

And I wasn't bleeding.

But I am.

Finally my thoughts rest on _you_.

You loved me like a daughter.

You thought the world of me.

You were always so cruel to me.

I wonder if I ever lived up to your expectations.

I wonder if I filled up your dreams.

Coach Sylvester

Did you even have any dreams?

I had dreams

I won't anymore soon.

I want to scream.

I'm sobbing.

But I can't move.

I feel so stupid, so stupid.

For letting my life turn out like this.

For letting my life end like this.

I wonder if anyone will ever find me.

I wonder if the Glee Club will recognize me at all.

I wonder if they will say their goodbyes.

I wonder if any of them ever loved me.

I wonder if Brittney ever truly loved me.

I wonder if anyone has ever loved me.

_Probably not._

But I loved all of you.


	4. Brittney

I've always been stupid.

I don't understand my disease.

I don't understand what is happening to my body.

I don't understand why everyone is crying.

I've never seen Coach Sylvester cry.

I've never seen Santana cry.

Santana

Did you think I was stupid?

Did you think I was brilliant?

Did you think I was your world?

You were always my world.

It's too bad I just realized I loved you.

It's too bad I can't tell you.

I'm not even sure I understand how to love.

_Kurt_

Do you remember our kiss?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I tricked you into kissing me.

I'm sorry I let Coach Sylvester trick you into kissing me.

You said you don't believe in God.

What do you believe in?

My mind has gone hazy.

I can't see.

I can't speak.

I wish I was smart.

I wish I could sing.

I wish I could love.

I wish I was smart enough to stand up for myself.

I wish I could have been smart enough to stand up for you.

Rachel.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I bullied you.

I'm sorry I laughed when they threw you in the dumpster.

I'm sorry I walked away when you called for help.

I'm sorry I made fun of your animal sweaters.

I always loved animals.

I could have owned a zoo.

If I was smart.

But I'm not.

So I can't.

I could have loved Santana.

If I knew how.

If I wasn't stupid.

But I am.

So I couldn't.

And I never will.

When they announce at school that I died.

What will they say?

I wasn't smart.

I never really was that pretty.

I never really was that popular.

Did boys even see me?

I'm dying.

But there's no nurse.

So I'm going to die alone.

I can understand that.

I can understand I won't ever have dumb babies.

I can understand that everyone will miss me.

I can't understand why.

Ok guys, I know this was super bad. I didn't know how to write from a stupid perspective.


	5. Artie

I wish I knew how to cry.

I wish I knew how to walk.

I wish I knew how to swim.

I wish I knew how to stand.

I wish I wasn't a cripple.

I wish I knew how to fall.

Never standing, never falling.

I don't know how to jump rope.

I know how to die.

I wish I could sit in a chair without wheels.

I wish I could fight whoever messes with me.

Or messes with my girl.

_Tina._

You're already obsessed with death.

Don't become obsessed with dying.

You can cry for me.

If you want.

I'm sorry I didn't leave a letter.

I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye.

I start to think of all the other people in my life.

The one's I've hurt, the ones that have hurt me.

I don't think about that I'm drowning.

I don't think about how I can't reach the top of the pool.

I don't think about my unmoving legs.

Mr. Schuester.

Did you ever see me in anything else but a chair?

Did you see me as me?

Or as a wheelchair?

I appreciate that you helped me tie my shoe.

I appreciate that you stood up for me.

Well, because I really can't _stand _up for myself.

Rachel

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you were made fun of.

I'm sorry you broke your foot.

I'm sorry I didn't give you a ride in my wheelchair when you did.

I'm sorry that when I didn't give you a ride, you fell down the stairs because you dropped your crutch.

I'm sorry that your leg is damaged forever.

I'm sorry you can't dance.

I'm sorry Broadway will only take people who can dance.

I never wanted to dance.

I never wanted to be able to do a cartwheel.

I wanted to walk, or skip, or run.

I can't tell if I'm crying.

I think I am.

I'm sobbing, and I'm breathing in water.

I try to cough up water.

I only suck more down.

I know then that it worked.

I'm dying.

I'm possibly crying.

I'm drowning.

That's when I know.

The wheelchair has won the battle.

I will never get to win the war.

I hated that wheelchair.

I hated how it confined me.

I know I'm dying.

I know I'm drowning.

I know it's over.

The battle is over.

The wheelchair has won.


	6. Puck

Hey guys!

Listen to Until We Bleed by Lykke Li when you read the series it fits the series well in my opinion!

I've always been a wuss.

I've never been strong.

I couldn't be strong for my mom.

I couldn't be strong for Quinn.

I couldn't even be strong for Beth.

I'm not even going down with a fight.

Because I can't.

Because I have AIDS.

Because I let myself become obsessed with sex.

And now I'm dying.

I wish I wasn't.

I wish I was as badass as I seemed.

I wish I could've died in a fight.

I wish I could've married a Jew.

I wish I could've had Jew babies.

Beth could've been enough.

So could Quinn.

But I sexted Santana.

So now Quinn will never get to be enough.

I'm sorry mom.

I'm sorry I let you down.

I'm sorry I let dad leave.

I'm sorry I made him leave.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was dying.

I'm sorry you didn't know.

I'm sorry you're going to lose your child.

Just like I lost my Beth.

Beth.

You could've been my world.

But now you cant.

I let my badass reputation get in the way.

I cried for you.

I cried because I lost you.

When I lost you, I lost myself.

I'm not supposed to cry, I'm badass.

But I'm not really badass.

So I cried.

Even though I wasn't supposed to.

Quinn.

I really did love you.

No matter what you thought.

What did you think?

What did you think of me?

I'm sorry I told you to trust me.

Because you shouldn't of.

Because no one can.

I'm sorry I tricked you into having sex with me.

I'm sorry I tricked you into loving me.

Because I knew no one else ever would.

Rachel.

I'm glad you never let me touch your boobs.

I'm glad you kept your innocence.

I'm glad you didn't let me take that away from you.

You washed slushy out of my hair.

You cleaned me off.

I'm sorry I never cleaned you off.

I'm sorry I was the one that got you dirty.

I'm sorry I threw that slushy at you.

I'm sorry it got in your eyes.

I'm sorry you fell.

I'm sorry you hit your head on the floor.

I'm sorry you went into a coma.

I'm sorry you died.

Mercedes.

I'm sorry I told you that we were meant to be.

I wonder if you knew I really did think you were special.

I wonder if you knew you were special.

You really are.

I wish I could've gone to the hospital.

If I was at the hospital there would be a nurse.

If there was a nurse I wouldn't be alone.

But I am.

I wish I wasn't dying alone.

But I am.

I wish I was stronger.

But I'm not.

My body aches.

And I'm crying.

I'm sorry I didn't give you a tribute Santana.

You were my first.

And you were my last.

I wish I didn't pass on my AIDS to you, Santana.

I wish I wasn't a sex shark.

I wish I slept with people my age.

I wish I only slept with one person.

I wish I only would have slept with Quinn.

But I didn't.

I wonder where my dad is.

I wonder if he ever really loved me.

I wonder if he ever really loved my mom.

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you dad.

Mom, I'm sorry I got AIDS.

I'm sorry I didn't stay with Quinn.

I'm sorry I didn't do more solos.

I'm sorry I let my mom down.

I'm sorry I let Quinn down.

I'm sorry I let Rachel down.

I'm sorry I let Beth down.

I'm sorry I let myself down.


	7. Kurt

I've always known who I was.

I've always known how the world saw me.

I knew there were haters.

I knew there were hate crimes.

I didn't know I would be the victim of one.

They cut me open, and I'm bleeding out.

Red has never been my color.

It's going to stain my new white Alexander McQueen.

It's funny what people think about when they're dying.

It's funny that I'm dying.

That someone would want me to die.

I knew the world was cruel and cold.

I never knew it was this cold.

I never knew that it was this cruel.

I could've learned to love women.

I could've learned to love Mercedes.

Or even Brittney.

I wish I would have.

Because I'm bleeding out.

And I'm pale.

And my blood will stain my skin.

And they will dress me in some ugly suit for my funeral.

But no one will say anything.

No one will want to disturb me.

I wonder who will cry.

I won't cry.

I'm not crying now.

I'm confused to how people could hate me this much.

You never hated me Mercedes.

You always loved me.

Just like I loved you.

You loved my style.

And my hats.

And my corsets.

You would've looked great in a corset.

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Don't let anyone hate against you.

Now that I think about it.

I've committed hate crimes.

I've killed.

I've made people bleed and cry.

Rachel.

You were a diva.

You were always sure of yourself.

How could you let me take that away from you?

I'm sorry I made fun of your outfits.

They were you.

Just like being gay is me.

I'm so, so, so sorry.

I'm sorry I laughed when they made fun of you.

I'm sorry I made fun of you.

I'm sorry I broke you.

I'm sorry I destroyed your diva.

I'm sorry you cut yourself open.

I'm sorry you bled out.

I'm sorry they didn't let you wear animal sweaters in your casket.

I'm sorry I committed a hate crime against you.

I'm sorry you felt the need to write me a suicide note.

I'm sorry I had to read it.

I'm sorry it said: You Can't Defy Gravity Forever.

My blood is going to stain the football field.

I wonder if Finn is going to be upset.

Whether it's about me or the football field I'll never know.

I can't think of anything more to think about.

I can't think.

I can't hear.

Blood is filling up my ears and my mouth.

I'm choking.

I'm choking on my own blood.

I can't believe someone would hate me enough to make me drown in my own blood.

I feel the need to vomit.

I'll probably choke on that to.

Maybe I deserve this.

Maybe I deserve to die.

Maybe this is karma.

This hate crime.

Maybe this is karma for my hate crimes on the rest of the world.

I said I don't believe in God.

You asked what I believe in.

I'm not sure.

Maybe someday I'll figure it out.

If I figure it out

I'll try to let you know.

If I can.

Maybe reincarnation is real.

Maybe in my next life, I won't be gay.

Someone will love me.

Someone will accept me.

The world will accept me.

Maybe next time the world won't hate.

Maybe next time.

But probably not.

Hey Guys! Please please please review! Notice how Rachel keeps dying? Hint hint I will be doing Mr. Schue tell me if you want me to do Emma, Sue, and Jesse also!


	8. Mike

I wish I did.

I wish I lived.

I wish I cried more.

I wish I loved more.

I wish I spoke more.

I wish I would have let Tina be with Artie.

They were always meant to be.

I wonder if God gave me someone.

Someone that was meant to be.

Or anyone else that would die.

I wish I would have been strong enough to live without her.

I wish I would have been a better boyfriend.

If I was I would have been on time to our date tonight.

I wouldn't have had to rush.

I would've paid attention.

I wouldn't have run that red light.

I wouldn't have gotten into a car crash.

I would've lived.

But I'm a bad boyfriend.

So I won't.

Did you think about him Tina?

Did you secretly want to be with him?

You could've if you wanted to.

Now I guess you can.

Don't move on to fast though ok?

Mourn me for just a little.

I dated Brittney too.

I've only had two girlfriends.

Tina and….. Brittney.

I was allowed to be a bad boyfriend.

Brittney was so innocent and naïve that she wouldn't have known any better.

I'm sorry I'm abandoning everyone.

I'm sorry I was invisible.

I'm sorry you were abandoned Rachel.

I'm sorry you had a Diva fit.

I'm sorry everyone thought you were invisible.

You didn't let yourself be invisible.

You fought so hard for the spotlight.

I'm sorry you want everything so bad.

I'm sorry Glee Club abandoned you.

I'm sorry your fathers did to.

I'm sorry they got up left, leaving everything behind.

I'm sorry they left you behind to.

I'm sorry you took a handful of their pills.

Did you know it would kill you?

We abandoned you.

So you had no one to write a suicide note to.

You could've written me one.

If you wanted to.

But you didn't.

So I guess I'll never really know if you wanted to die.

I wonder if you would've come to my funeral.

Even though I didn't go to yours.

I wonder if anyone will come.

I wonder if Tina will cry.

I wonder if Artie will comfort her.

I wonder if they will sing.

I wonder what song.

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.

I'm sorry that because I wasn't good enough, you will have to learn to live without me.

I'm sorry the world will have to learn to live without me.

Blood is seeping into my eyes, forcing them to close.

I'm crying.

No one ever got the chance to know me.

I never gave them the chance.

If I could go back.

People would know me.

I would've let Tina be with Artie.

I would've learned to live without her.

Because she's going to learn to live without me.

If I could go back.

Rachel would be alive.

But I can't.

So Rachel will still be dead.

So I'm still invisible.

And I'm still alone.


	9. Finn

I've always been a coward.

If I wasn't a coward, maybe I wouldn't be here.

Here in Afghanistan.

Bleeding out.

If I wasn't a coward.

I could've faced my problems.

I could have faced my fears.

But I am a coward.

So here I am.

Dying.

But I'm numb.

Always numb.

Never feeling.

Never crying.

Never pain.

I'm even a coward at war.

Running away from my men.

Running away from my attackers.

Only to get attacked.

Only to get destroyed.

In a way, Life has attacked me.

Life has destroyed me.

I'm a shell of a man.

I'm bleeding out.

So I guess I _really_ will be a shell of a man.

I've lost so much.

But I've never really gained anything.

I've lost everything.

I also lost myself.

I lost the thought of being a father.

How could you?

How could you do that to me?

Quinn?

How could you do that to her?

How could you do that to Rachel?

How could you just tear her down?

You destroyed her.

I lost something else that day too.

Rachel.

I'm sorry that I was awful to you.

I'm sorry I built you up, only to bring you down.

I'm sorry I brought you down more than once.

I'm sorry I brought you down so far, you couldn't get back up.

Why did you let me do that to you?

Why did you let me destroy you?

Why did you let everyone else destroy you?

Why did you feel the need to drive off the side of the road?

You were already destroyed emotionally.

Why destroy yourself physically.

Did you cry in heaven, when I didn't come to your funeral?

But I couldn't.

I couldn't be there for you.

I never could.

I applied for the army, the day I found out.

I couldn't handle it.

I couldn't handle that I lost you.

Mom, I'm sorry you're going to have to go through the heartache.

Going through the heartache of losing your whole family.

But, mom, you don't understand.

I lost my whole world.

The world is a cruel place.

I laugh at the fact it took me this long to figure it out.

They shot me so many times.

I'm sure my organs are falling out.

I guess the fact I'm an organ donor doesn't mean anything now.

I always tried to give.

To my mom.

To Rachel.

To Glee Club.

To the world.

I guess I just forgot to give to myself.

I'm not going to stay mad at you Puck.

I'm not going to stay mad at you, for the next few seconds I'm alive.

Even though Jesse broke Rachel's heart.

I'm glad he was there.

I'm glad he was there to pick up the pieces___**I**_ broke.

I guess that's the way the world works.

We brake.

We drink the fatal drop.

Then cry until we bleed.

Then fall apart in parts.

Just like I did.

Because I lost you Rachel.

Because I lost my world.


	10. Mercedes

I loved my life.

I really did.

I'm glad I lived it to the fullest.

I'm glad I got to have a husband and babies.

I wish my family was here.

I wish Glee Club was here.

I'm glad Kurt and I stayed friends.

The bestest of friends.

Even though he died a few years back from old age.

I'm glad I didn't go into Hollywood.

I'm glad I lived with my family.

I'm sorry I didn't do more.

I wish I would have stayed connected with Glee Club.

I'm glad I'm dying of old age.

But I wish I would've done more.

I know, I know, this is soooooo short but she's dying of old age. So I didn't want her death to be super sad.


	11. Tina

I've always been obsessed with death.

I've always been gothic.

I've never been obsessed with dying.

Now that death has actually reached me, I don't want it anymore.

I wonder if that is why I was so hated.

Because I was gothic, or because I was a freak.

I wish I wasn't a freak.

I wish I was normal.

I wish I had normal parents.

Parents who loved me.

Parents who didn't hurt me.

I guess I'll never have that though.

I wonder if anyone does.

I wish Jocks didn't hate us so much.

I wish Jocks didn't hate _me_ so much.

I wish they didn't throw me into a dumpster.

I wish they didn't shut the lid.

Did they know its garbage day?

Did it even register to them that school has ended.

Do they know no one can hear me screaming for help?

I wonder if they even realized that the garbage truck will crush me.

Maybe they didn't.

But they probably did.

I've always been a crier.

Which is why I'm so confused that I'm not crying.

Artie.

Will you cry for me?

I'm sorry I didn't get to be with you.

I'm sorry I broke your heart.

My heart was always yours though.

I just thought you should know that I would of stuck by you.

If you would of tried the therapys for your legs.

I would of stuck by you.

Matt.

I wish I had something to say.

I wish I had something meaningful to think about.

But I don't.

So I'm sorry.

I can hear the garbage truck approaching.

Will they be horrified when they find my body?

Will they ever find my body?

Rachel.

Do you remember the phase?

The phase when football players would spray paint your locker.

They wrote freak on your locker. _Everyday._

How did you manage not to break.

But I guess you did.

I guess you did break.

Or the football players broke you.

Or I broke you.

Or you broke yourself.

I'm sorry I didn't scrape off the paint.

I'm sorry I didn't help you.

I think you broke yourself.

I didn't force you to get in the bath tub.

I didn't force you to breathe in water.

I didn't force you to die.

You did that all on your own.

I guess I've always been on my own.

The garbage truck is picking the dumpster up.

Sending me spiraling.

I'm crying now.

At all I've lost.

At all the things I'll never get to do.

At the one person I never got to love.

Glee Club is over.

Now that I'm gone.

They won't have enough members.

I ruined Rachel.

I ruined Artie.

I ruined Glee Club.

I ruined myself.

Hey Guys NOTICE: Anyone recognize the First three lines.

The first Person to tell me what the first three lines from this chapter are from gets a shout out.

NOTICE: I will do Jesse next, I'm NOT DOING SAM UNTIL I KNOW MORE ABOUT HIS CHARACTER, thenI will do a couple of different Rachels she will die different way. Then I will create a DIFFERENT story on the adults of this chapter Emma, Will, Terri, Ken, AND SUE SYLVESTER

REVIEW!


	12. Jesse

I made it.

I went through the lies.

I went through the hurt.

I went through hurting other people.

So I could get it.

To UCLA.

I can't believe it was for nothing.

I can't believe during my last performance with VA I fell.

I can't believe I hit my head.

I can't believe I'm dying.

I had it made.

Scholarship.

Broadway.

It somehow slipped through my fingers.

Even though I held on to it so, so tight.

I can't believe how the world was so cruel to me.

I can't believe I was _that_ cruel to the world.

Shelby.

I loved you like a mother.

You basically were my mother.

How could you make me so cold?

How could you make me so unloving?

How could you be so cruel?

You weren't just cruel to me.

You were cruel to Rachel.

Rachel.

You were so innocent.

You were so beautiful.

And annoying, and selfish, and conceited.

But we would have been perfect.

We could have taken Broadway by storm.

How could you believe that I never really loved you?

How could you let me egg you?

I've never seen you so broken.

I've never seen you go that long without talking.

That's when I knew, I knew there was a permanent effect from that last egg.

But how could you do that to yourself.

You always knew how make an entrance.

But most importantly, you knew how to make an exit.

I died a little that day.

That day you hung yourself in our auditorium.

You must've known I would be there first.

You must've known I would've seen you.

Never forgotten.

You, like many other artists, are legendary in death.

I can hear the doctors around me.

I can hear their frantic movements.

It's no use.

When I fell from the stage.

I fell hard.

But stars don't fall.

I never got a chance to be a star.

To be _the_ star.

So I fell.

I let everything slip from my fingers.

I let Rachel.

I let UCLA.

I let Broadway.

I let Fame.

But I don't understand.

I held on so tight.

I can hear the heart monitor slowing.

And for just a nanosecond I can hear it stop completely.


	13. Rachel

I'm standing.

I'm swaying.

Because I'm not ready to fall yet.

It was too much.

I've always been prepared for everything.

Not this.

I've never been prepared for this.

I've always had a plan.

My life has always been planned out.

But now I'm broken.

That was never part of the plan.

My life is too much.

What my life has become is too much to bear.

I've always wanted everything so much.

Nothing has ever stopped me from getting what I want.

I'm sure as hell nothing is going to stop me from getting what I want now.

I don't want to be broken anymore.

I don't want to cry anymore.

But I can't get that.

So I get the next best thing.

I want to die.

So die, I will.

That is how I got here.

Up on the top of this bridge.

No traffic has moved.

I'm pretty sure they're sending somebody up here to talk me down.

I don't look.

I don't want to know.

Because whoever it is.

They don't understand.

The world is cruel.

It set my sights on the most magical thing in the world.

Broadway.

Then the world turns against me.

Broadway is no longer a magical place.

Whatever is after death.

That is my magical place now.

The world seemed so understanding.

So why did it turn against me?

Why does everyone hate me?

Shelby.

Mom.

_Mother._

I hate you.

I loathe you.

How could you do that?

How could you send Jesse after me?

How could you make me love him?

How could you snatch him away?

Why was it all for nothing?

I hope you rot in hell.

I thought you should know.

I smashed the cup.

When I got home I threw that cup against the wall.

Then I stomped on it.

I just thought you should know.

I'll see you in hell.

Jesse.

I'm not mad.

I'm not angry, not even a little.

I'm hurt.

I'm destroyed.

I'm broken beyond repair.

You put the thought of this bridge in my head.

I want to scream.

I'm crying now, all because of you.

Don't worry this wasn't your fault.

It was my mothers.

You just gave me the idea.

You just put the image of this bridge in my brain, until it drove me insane.

My life is pointless now.

Why should I live?

You smashed an egg on my forehead.

How could you?

How could you do that to me?

And you tried to take my virginity?

That's low, even for you.

I guess that just shows how worthless I am, or how worthless I feel.

Finn.

You broke me more times than everyone in glee club put together.

Is this what you wanted?

Did you want me to die?

That's what you told me in my dreams.

In my dreams, you always coded: I _want you to die _into your words.

Maybe that was reality.

I guess I'll never know.

Quinn.

I have nothing to say to you.

Tina.

I wonder why you did it.

I wonder why you stood by and let the others tear me down?

Both of our fathers are abusive.

So, how could you?

Mercedes.

You are a wonderful singer.

You really are.

But Mercedes.

You are an awful, terrible person inside.

You saw me get slushied, you didn't even help me get cleaned off.

You knew this would happen.

I know you saw.

I know you saw my cuts.

You didn't help me clean those off either.

You practically picked at them.

Until they turned into scars.

Permanently imbedded into my skin.

This is your fault to.

Kurt.

I'm sorry people made fun of you.

I'm not mad that you made fun of my clothes.

I just figured.

We are the biggest outsiders in the school.

Why didn't we stick together?

Maybe it was because you spent so much time running away from me.

I really am Kurt.

I really am sorry.

I wish you the best of luck.

I hope you make it big, bigger than I ever did.

But Kurt.

You can't defy gravity forever.

Puck

Noah.

How could you?

How could you be so cruel?

How could you give me no one to fall back on.

I f I had you.

I would fall off this bridge.

Right into your arms.

But you hate me.

So I can't.

If I did.

You'd let me fall.

I could have loved you to Noah.

But you never gave me the chance.

I wish you would've.

But you didn't.

So now I'm broken.

Now I'm dead inside.

Now I wish I was dead all over.

Congratulations world.

You did it.

I hate myself.

Because I'm not pretty.

Because I talk too much.

Because I want everything so bad.

Because I'm not worth it.

Brittney.

I've never really known you.

I know you're innocent.

I hope you're happy with Santana.

You guys are true love.

I hope you realize it, before it's too late.

Artie.

I hope you understand.

I hope you're not to upset that I killed myself.

But you won't be.

Because you called me annoying.

That's when I realized.

That's the exact second it happened.

The second I realized I'm really not that pretty.

I can sing.

But no one will like me enough to ever hire.

Because I'm unlikable.

Because I'm unlovable.

_Thank you._

Thank you for helping me realize what I was meant to do.

You're a Bitch Santana.

I know I dress badly.

I know I'm not pretty.

I know I'm annoying.

I know I'm short.

How could you though?

Were Glee club.

Were family.

But I guess the truth is, I've never really had a family.

So thank you for helping me realize that.

But… why did you have to be so cruel?

Why were you so hurtful.

Artie made me realize I'm worthless.

Jesse made me realize, that I could escape from pain.

Shelby gave me the strength to get up here.

You, Santana, helped me realize I'm alone.

I know I'm worthless.

You helped me realize I'm alone, and I always will be.

No one will ever love me.

Mr. Schue.

You stood by.

You let them tear me down.

You watched me cry.

Is this what you wanted?

Because this is what you got.

But thanks for that little bit of hope.

Do you remember when you saw my first cut?

I do.

You held my arm, and you hugged me close.

But you never said anything else.

Which is why I believe.

This is what you wanted.

Not saying anything was your way of telling me it was okay.

So I'm just doing what you told me.

I'm just doing what I was meant to do.

I'm ready now.

I'm ready to leave it all behind.

I'm ready to let go.

I'm ready to jump.

I'm ready to _fly_.

The man who is here to help me down has finally arrived.

I almost feel bad.

He took that long climb.

All for me.

All for nothing.

He just looks at me.

This one long sad look.

It almost says.

_You can if you want to._

But I don't want to.

I _need_ to.

I give him a small smile.

I whispered: _I'm sorry_.

Then I jumped.

Just like that.


	14. Chapter 14

Hey Guys!

Expect another chapter later… but for now…

I'm WRITING A NEW STORY!(I'm still continuing the Dead & The Gone, and the adult version)

Its going to be about Rachel getting into a coma and each glee club has ten minutes to say goodbye. So what will they say? You will have to read to find out… I'm fifnishing both versions of the dead and the gone first though!

There has been some confusion as to how some people can die this way in one chapter but in there chapter they die another way. These are basically a string of one shots. They have NO correlation to eachother. I tried to include some similarities. Example: Tina and Rachels parents are both abusive.

XOXO


	15. Emma

It's funny how things become so unimportant.

Certain things don't even matter anymore.

Now that I'm here.

Now that I'm dying.

If I had the strength to clean up this mess, I would.

This mess.

It's funny how this is now a mess.

It's a mess and not my blood.

I wish I wasn't so cautious.

I wish I would've taken a chance.

Taken a chance on Will.

If I had, I wouldn't be here.

If I had I wouldn't have dated Carl.

I wouldn't have tried to correct him on his cleaning abilities.

He wouldn't have beaten me.

Beat me until I bled.

Beat me until I'm a mess.

But that's what I really am.

A mess.

Will.

Was I really a mess?

Was I a mess to you?

I guess so.

I guess that's why you _suggested_ a therapist.

I'm not mad at you for sleeping around.

Even though I never did.

I never really did sleep around.

I never really _slept_ at all.

But that's okay.

Because I love you.

So I'm going to forget what you did.

Don't forget me okay?

Don't forget us.

Sue.

I will think fondly of you in heaven.

I know you said you don't believe in it.

But I will put in a good word for you.

Don't destroy glee club anymore, okay?

You've won.

You won that battle when you gave Glee Club another year.

Thanks for sticking up for me.

For being _my_ therapist.

I really will Sue.

I'll make sure you one day walk through the gates of heaven.

I won't forget Sue.

You may not believe in heaven.

But you can believe in me.

You were always so small Rachel.

Always so, so, so small.

You may not have been as _thin_ as Quinn.

But you were a much better person.

When you asked me if I have ever cried over a boy.

I'm sorry I lied.

Maybe, just maybe.

If you felt like someone understood you.

Maybe you wouldn't have.

Maybe you wouldn't have become bulimic.

Maybe you wouldn't have died.

I'm sorry I lied.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there to help.

When you really needed it.

How did this happen?

How did I end up here?

Beaten to death.

Beaten because I didn't take a chance.

Maybe I am a freak.

Maybe I would've fit right into Glee Club.

If they would've let me.

If I would've asked.

But I didn't so now.

Someone is going to have to clean up my mess.

Someone is going to clean up me.

Someone is going to clean up the mess that I truly am.


	16. Terri

Why?

Why does no one love me?

Why am I all alone?

Because I pretended to have a baby?

Because I lied to save our marriage?

What I did for love.

Well, look where that got me.

Insane.

Alone.

Broken.

Because all of it was in reach.

Now it's not.

Now it's a memory.

That I can't really remember.

I can't remember the last time I laughed.

Or even the last time I smiled.

I know I'm a witch.

An evil one.

I know I deserve to be alone.

I know I deserve to be dead.

What I deserve I what I will receive.

I will be dead.

Very soon.

But that is all my doing.

I'm going to swallow pills.

Correction: I already swallowed pills.

So now I'm lying on the ground.

Waiting for death to reach me.

Waiting for my wish to be granted.

The pills make my stomach hurt.

They make me hurt.

But I'm not remorseful.

Will.

I'm sorry I let you down.

I'm sorry I built up your dreams of our family.

Only to bring them down.

Because you're the man I loved.

The man I love.

So when you find out.

When you find out I died.

Forgive me.

Please.

I wrote that in my suicide note.

Forgive.

But please.

Please.

Please.

Don't forget.

Don't forget me.

Quinn.

I'm sorry I tried to steal your baby.

I know you wanted it.

I knew all along.

You wanted a baby just as bad as I did.

You just wouldn't admit it.

So please, just keep it.

Hold onto that baby tight.

Don't let people try to take her.

Don't let people like me try to snatch her away.

Howard.

Howard Bamboo.

I'm sorry I called you stupid.

I'm sorry I made you feel stupid.

Ken.

I'm sorry for forcing you into a marriage.

I'm sorry for forcing you into something.

That I knew would never work.

My world has gone hazy.

But I'm smiling.

Because it's over now.

Because I'm free.

What I did for love.

Look where that got me.


	17. Shelby

I'm so cold.

In every way.

The river is freezing.

And I'm unloving.

I'm so, so cold.

I wish I wasn't cold.

I wish I was loving.

I'm not sad that this is what it came to.

A cold river.

A _freezing_ river.

I like being cold here.

Because this is what I deserve.

I deserve this.

I deserve to be cold.

I deserve to die.

Rachel.

Oh Rachel.

You're my baby.

You're my overbearing, controlling baby.

Well…

I guess you_ were_ my baby.

But not anymore.

Because the day I told you I wasn't your mom.

That's the day you destroyed yourself.

That's the day you let the car run over your body.

I'm surprised.

I'm surprised that you went out that way.

I expected a hanging.

That was much more dramatic.

But no.

You just jumped out in front of a car.

In front of _my_ car.

Did you know it was mine?

I hope you didn't.

I hope you didn't know.

The day I told you I wasn't your mother.

That's the day you gave up.

Yesterday.

Yesterday you died.

Oh sweetie.

I will see you in hell.

Jesse.

Thanks for being my star.

Thanks for working so hard.

Thanks for caring about Rachel.

I just realized.

I'm so cold.

I'm such a cold person.

I don't have anyone to think about.

I can't think about you.

I can't think about you Beth.

That would be too much.

Then I would realize that I'm abandoning you.

Just like I abandoned Rachel.

I wonder why I was never good enough.

I was never good enough for Broadway.

I'm so cold.

I'm so freezing.

Oh well.

At least it's warm in Hell.


	18. Will

I'm such a mess.

My life is a mess anyway.

But so am I.

Because he shot me.

Because I'm dying.

And I don't know how to stop.

I don't know how to let go.

I don't even know how to love.

My life is meaningless.

I'm a Spanish teacher.

Who teaches Glee Club.

Who lost both of the people I loves.

In fact I lost three people I love.

Maybe, just maybe even four.

Terri.

You started it all.

You were my first love.

You could've been my last.

But you ruined it.

But I still love you.

Because you thought of me.

You put my happiness in front of your own.

And I will always love you for that.

Emma.

I loved your crazy.

I love your need to be clean.

I love your ginger hair.

I love your weird outfits.

I love your eyes.

I love your weird way of talking.

I love you.

Why wasn't that enough?

Rachel.

I don't love you like I loved the rest of them.

But I loved you nonetheless.

But you, like the others broke my heart.

Because I thought you were going to own the world.

You were going places.

But now you're going to hell.

Because you killed yourself.

Because you hung yourself.

With the tie.

Do you remember?

That stupid tie you gave me.

The ones with stars all over it.

Why did you hang yourself?

Why did you have to hang yourself with that?

Because I gave Kurt the solo?

But you gave up on defying gravity too.

You stopped flying.

And you started _hanging_.

I guess you Can't Defy Gravity Forever.

And then you.

Sue.

Sue Sylvester.

Thanks for letting us shine.

Letting me shine.

I loved you like a sister.

Even if you hated me.

But I don't think you did.

I think you loved me.

Just a little, little bit.

I think you loved me to.

But now I'm dying.

So I lost you.

Just like I lost everyone else I love.

So.

Even if you did hate me, Sue.

That's okay.

Because of the fact I lost everyone.

I've come to hate myself.


	19. The FINAL CHAPTER: Sue

I'm a winner.

I always have been.

I thought I always would be.

But somehow.

Somehow I've lost.

I've lost to Schuester.

Because I sacrificed my life for his.

Because I pushed him out of the way.

I didn't let him get hit by that car.

So now I'm here.

Here on the cold pavement.

With Will Schuester crying over my body.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry Will.

But this is what is supposed to happen.

Because you deserve to live.

And I don't.

I don't deserve to live.

Because you're a good person.

And, well.

I'm the worst kind of person there is.

Because you always fought so hard.

So very very hard for those kids.

And I know you put them on the right path.

You let them know they were worth it.

Even when I didn't.

Even when I told them they weren't.

I'm sorry Jeanne.

You were the best big sister.

I'm sorry for letting people laugh at you.

Because you're perfect.

You're perfect in my eyes.

I said I don't believe in God.

And I wish I had.

But you're right Jeanne.

_God doesn't make mistakes._

Because Will Schuester deserves to live.

And I don't.

So, Jeanne you can pray for me.

If you want.

Because I want you to.

Because, Jeanne, I need you to save me.

I need you to save my soul.

But I don't deserve it.

Because I'm not worth it.

Just like I told Rachel Berry she wasn't.

Because she came to me for help.

But I turned her away.

And I told her that if she wasn't a freak.

If she wasn't a freak she wouldn't be made fun of.

So I let her go.

And she let herself go.

She let go of her hope.

And she killed herself.

She let go.

Which is funny.

In a way.

Because she was the one holding on the hardest.

She was holding on even harder than I was.

Quinn.

It's okay that you were pregnant.

It's okay that you had a baby.

You want to know a secret.

I went and visited.

I went and visited your baby.

Because even though you're not perfect.

Even though I'm not perfect.

Your baby is.

Your baby is perfect.

I guess it was all for nothing.

Trying to destroy Glee Club was for nothing.

Because now the Cheerios don't have a Coach.

And their Coach was always a Winner.

I have always been a winner.

But now I've lost.

I've lost to my own game.

I've lost to will Schuester.

I've always been a winner.

Just, somewhere.

Somewhere along the way.

I stopped winning.

And I started losing.

And now the game is over.

And I've lost.


End file.
